How to “do it all”

If your life is anything like mine, summers are beautiful and also extremely busy (just a different kind of busy). Schedules are “off” the norm for everyone in the family (except for me), we’re traveling a lot and trying to make the most of the season.

And side note – this “gotta make the most of it” mentality that I sometimes have can put even more pressure on providing my family with an epic summer experience, and getting a break myself (and that pressure can add to overwhelm pretty quickly).

This weekend I took a pause to honor and name all of the ways that I show up for myself, my family, and my work – and I was reminded that the reason that it feels like a lot is because it IS a lot.

I am a physician, a surgeon, and a healer. I work as a full-time urologist at the premier private practice urology group in New England. I have a business helping to normalize male personal development. I am an involved father of three young kids who makes lunches for their kids every day, is home for bedtime just about every night, and refuses to not be involved in their busy lives. I am a devoted husband to the woman I fell in love with 19 years ago. We prioritize our relationship over our busy lives and schedules. We commonly enjoy saying that we are on our third marriage together as the people we are now in our late 30s which is a far cry from the kids we were when we met. Our relationship has never been stronger and the sex has never been better.

How? How is this possible?

Priorities. Intentions.

I am very clear about how I spend my time. This does not mean a rigid schedule—although I am fiercely committed to my morning routine as the foundation for my day—it means being very intentional about the type of experiences I want to have with myself, my kids, and Sarah.

It takes effort to live intentionally. It takes effort to have the conversation with your boss about leaving the office 30 min early so you can make it home for dinner with your family. It takes effort to prioritize actually connecting with your partner instead of binge-watching the third hour of Netflix together. It takes saying no to family, friends, and experiences that don’t allow you to live the best version of what you want. It takes a commitment to wake up before the rest of your family in order to create the time in the day to move your body.

You know how you’re feeling doing what you’re doing now. If it’s working, great, keep it up.

If it’s not and you want more, try something else.

Try going on a weekly date for a month.

Try no alcohol during the week.

Try working out in the morning for 2 weeks.

Have the courage to try to admit that something’s not working and be willing to try and shake things up.

When I work with men, the first thing we do is clean up the time and energy we waste while being overwhelmed and out of alignment.

This midsummer point is a great time to check in with yourself and make an adjustment.

All the best,
Jonathan

PS - I’m going to be running the next round of Men’s Work: Inner Work for Professional Men this Fall. If you’re interested in learning more you can hop on the waitlist here. If you’re looking for some simple ways to get started – you might like my free resource on The Physiology of Men’s Emotions and How They Affect Our Bodies, or my free guide on The 3 Reasons Your Wife Won’t Sleep with You (and what to do about it).