The 3 reasons why your wife won’t sleep with you (and what to do about it)
It’s not easy to admit when the passion is out of your relationship.
It sucks to admit that you’d rather sit on the couch silently scrolling through Instagram, or binging show after show on Netflix because you dread having a deep conversation with your wife.
It’s really tough when you think back on the past couple months and realize that you can’t remember the last time you took your wife out on a date. It can feel like a punch in the gut when you realize it’s been weeks or months since you made love with your wife.
Thank you for being brave enough to show up. I’m glad you’re here.
I struggled with this for years. I refused to admit that anything was wrong in my marriage. I resisted the notion that my wife was unhappy even as we sat silently on the couch mindlessly watching tv night after night.
I thought that it was normal for couples to fight on date nights.
I thought it was just part of life after having kids that we no longer had passionate sex.
I thought something was wrong with my wife. Couldn’t she see how hard I was working? Why couldn’t she give me a break when I came home? What was wrong with her and our life that she needed to dream about our future? Wasn’t our life good enough now?
I wanted to blame my wife for our lack of intimacy, but the truth was, it was my fault.
I wasn’t being the man that she needed me to be in order to feel safe and held in our marriage. I wasn’t being the man that I wanted to be.
This created such a disconnect and constant feeling of disappointment — in myself and in my relationship.
My wife and our relationship became the embodiment of what was actually wrong in myself. It was simply way more convenient to blame her than to actually look at myself as not being the man I wanted to be, and realize that my life wasn’t turning out all that great.
Coming home from work, I would get this subtle feeling of dread — here we go again. Another night, another argument. I would resent her the moment we sat down to dinner, exhausted after getting the kids to sleep, as she asked me some thoughtful questions about how I was feeling. “Tired. I’m fucking tired” I grumble back at her. Hating her and myself the moment the words came out. Feeling attacked, she would retreat back to her corner, emotionally hurt and bruised at best, but more likely crying at the disappointment and isolation she felt in our “relationship”. What. A. Life.
As men, we’re not taught how to be a good husband. Most men do not have good models for this growing up.
Over the past seven years, I have worked extremely hard to become the man that I want to be- a man I am proud of. A husband my wife can fully open up to, trust, and share her gifts as a woman. For years I resisted doing the work feeling like the mountain to climb to get there was just too much to overcome.
As a urologist, I see countless men in their 30’s and 40’s with erectile dysfunction who have no physical or medical explanation for their condition. Their erectile dysfunction is often a physical manifestation of the emotional and psychological turmoil that exists in their relationships.
In the office, I help them to see the emotional-physical connection, and I am thrilled to bring this work to a larger community.
I consistently see three patterns most men are doing that prevent them from having the intimacy and passion they desire with their partner (and that their partner desires to have with them).
In my free guide you’ll learn
Why making money, helping around the house and being a present Dad, isn’t enough to make your wife happy, even though you feel like you’re doing way more than most men and your father.
The one thing you need to do every week with your wife that will change your relationship.
The most important thing men of this generation need to focus on.
How to get your wife to trust you, open up, and bring her best self to your relationship.
